the moment we chose to observe something out of the infinite possibilities that exist, the wave function of potentials collapses and a specific reality is formed.

interesting thoughts:

"does the moon exist because a mouse looks at it?" - Einstein

"decoherence" parallel universes are possibilities - Steve Weinberg

sure i believe in a God...however not religion. God is not equals to religion. God is defined as the creator of the universe and whereas religion can never reform mankind because it is merely slavery. it is human's inability to comprehend the meaning of God and what it really is due to the fear of not being able to meet the expectations or fulfill the deeds or requirements of a religion.

Cogito ergo sum: But I have convinced myself that there is absolutely nothing in the world, no sky, no earth, no minds, no bodies. Does it now follow that I, too, do not exist? No. If I convinced myself of something [or thought anything at all], then I certainly existed. But there is a deceiver of supreme power and cunning who deliberately and constantly deceives me. In that case, I, too, undoubtedly exist, if he deceives me; and let him deceive me as much as he can, he will never bring it about that I am nothing, so long as I think that I am something. So, after considering everything very thoroughly, I must finally conclude that the proposition, I am, I exist, is necessarily true whenever it is put forward by me or conceived in my mind. (AT VII 25; CSM II 16–17)
- René Descartes

AIDS...GLOBAL WARMING....whether you guys are true....you are doing a good job at deceiving the world...

all the pain of a human life is caused by words, as is all the joy. we create words to define our experiences and those words bring attendant emotions that jerk us around like dogs on a leash. we get seduced by our own mantras (i am a failure...i am lonely...) and we become monuments to them. to stop talking for awhile, then, is to attempt to strip away the power of words, to stop choking ourselves with words, to liberate ourselves from our suffocating mantras.

We should be very careful about what we believe in about the future, the more you attach yourself to a believe system, and if reality is holographic, you are helping to create it by believing in it. Every thought becomes a reality.
We can change the field of the atoms, and thus directly changing the atoms, which is us because we are made out of atoms. This involves changing of emotions.

one spark you send to my heart and joy feels me over flowing...it is you that i only need and you that i only what...

thank you for allowing me this breathing space..u are always there when i cant stand on my two feet...

i do not expect you to understand my pain...even though you cant see it through me..i just sincerely hope that you are here for me...

i miss those times...i am so thankful for those times...why cant i continue to dwell in those times then..stop eating me up now..i just pray it will be over in this instance..

I have a chemical imbalance in my head and its driving me insane…can no one help me…I am trying to run away from it all…trying to escape….when will it end??

When you develop an infatuation for someone, be it love or hatred you always find a reason to believe that the person's words and actions to have a catastrophic impact on you. It will multiply, grow stronger, suck you in and force you to get addicted to it ways and make you its slave. It doesn't need to be a good reason. A snide remark or simply a hurtful word would suffice, for example. Now, in the long run, that's just the kind of dumb, irritating habit that would cause you to go crazy. But in the haze of infatuation, is what you feel real? Is the scar or mark that it leaves behind there or is it just a mental shadow that it casts to make you believe that it is there? You have to be strong, because whatever situation or feelings you develop is just a tiny fraction to what you perceived to be titanic.

we all drink english tea leaves from a traditional chinese tea pot don't we???

you will find that you can live life better if you keep your emotions under control

It is our weaknesses and wounds that wait for us at the end of our lives, when our strength fades. Those who have played out their lives being strong will find this hardest to accept. But there is no choice and there is even a kind of hope in this. It is our wounds and weakness that have always made us who we are. They are what, to those who know us best, are lovable and human in us. A man cannot live life without this. For what is there at the end is not strength but sadness, and still love and hope. If there is someone to love us for that weak humanity, for that wound we have hidden in all our strength and pride, there can be love; there can be home and hope.

I was a little skeptical and doubtful about what I could offer and give. However on this trip I realized, we (volunteers) plan to give and give and give in whatever ways we can help to these people, we think about what we are going to build and how noble we are. In the end, it is we who are actually on the receiving end. At the end of each activity or interaction, it is we who learned more, we who benefitted more by realizing how different and how fortunate we are, we who feel more blessed because what we give in life makes us who we are. These people will always be there and probably never leave their community. They have all they need and comfortable with what they have. Going there and being part of that community showed me that there was nothing I could offer except to spend time with them and learn more about their culture and lifestyle. We were the ones who were constantly at awe with the things that they did and food that they eat.
Communities like this share a special uniqueness, that special bond where everyone is family despite not being of the same bloodline.
What I took away from this trip with me was the fact that no matter how different we are in terms of skin color, language, race, religion, the people there are still exceptionately friendly and kind and concern about your well being. I got stung by a hornet on one of the days there and it was quite painful, giving me two days of bad headache and I could not participate in most of the activities. However the village people were really concerned and they kept coming up to me and asking whether I was fine. They even stood around me and watch me as I slept. Who was I to them? They could have just put me aside on a bed and attend to their daily needs but they choose to look after me even though it meant bringing me to their village “witch doctor”. I was very touched and warmed by their gesture and it showed me, that humanism was very real there and like us, they are also human beings with a curiosity for life.

flipping through the pages i start to ponder if memories are all we have about ourselves...
did i take the time to sit back and reflect on situations or events that are actually bliss or agony in my life or did i just merely cast them aside in my hunger for new adventures...but what have i learnt then????
the stories told mimic the actual shadows of memories I have kept locked up in my mind…never willing or rather intentionally wanting to relive it?...and I kept asking myself why?...am I too happy or satisfied with the way things are?
It does not seem so…
I see him replacing the faces of the characters in the book as I pondered what he would write if he was the author of the book…I never did asked her about her days as it would be too embarrassing…it is something between all of us…it runs in us or maybe just me not to appear sensitive or emotional but how would they feel?...
Is it a good idea for me to ask, am I too selfish to make their memories seem like a treasure concealed in a box and left to rot at the bed of the deepest ocean?....
I cannot bring myself to think about that…all I feel now is that I want to be transported back to the time when I could have changed things…changed the outcome of my ways…but how much could I have change if things that happened now was the reason that shaped my destiny….

life's necessities are found even in exile, excesses not even in kingdoms. it is the mind that creates wealth, and this goes with us into exile and in the harsh deserts, it is enough to feed the body and revel in the enjoyment of its goods
- seneca

kindness among strangers is a magic that cannot be commanded!!!!!

do i really feel it or do i just make myself feel it because it makes me a better person....

feelings of envy, jealousy, hatred, lust, riches engulfs my weak human being everyday....i feel dissatisfied in everyway...often chasing after things which eats me from inside...
but u are the stone and the rock that never changes...only in you i find what i want, my peace my manna....u watch over my every step..and in your words i find shelter from the cruel and harsh reality of life....
without your presence i would still feel good but with your presence i would have realized that i am been missing out on the world's best treasure...
please give me the strength, give me the grace daily and soften my path for me. for i long to be in your arms every moment. teach me and guide me and hold me....cause u are the only thing that's worth wanting more....
that was a moment we had, at the stones in the sea...for my faith has rewarded me and forever shall it be......

it's like living a dream in reality....it's heaven i believe...nothing can hold u back...but it comes with a price if u are not careful...turning into a blackhole for all the weak parasites....

what if our every thought had a mass to it....pulling whatever we wish, dream or crave and exerting gravity on it....

i see no reason for morality...immorality or what not....what is right what is wrong?...rules are set upon what is considered acceptable in that period of time only....dun we change our values as we age?....how then do we allow unethical practices to become right or brave and courageous actions to be wronged?

the Vitruvian Man has been one of my latest interest, something which i find particularly disturbing to why i have not been into it earlier.....
hmmmm it seems most of the theories and reflections of the ideas of its time were very much into architectural practices. but what i liked most about this painting or idea if you call it was the image of buildings shaped into the likeness of our body (as in physically and spiritually). it actually believes that our body were divine and that our lives or things should be built in respect to it, which also rings a bell from a text in the bible stating that our bodies are an image of God's. so why do they want it (the building or ideas from a first century Roman architect) to be portrayed in such an image?.....hmmmm this restricts creavity i suppose....if it is actually compared to what we call these days "modern art" which i think is absolutely ridiculous...

The Self in you is the same as the Self Universal. Whatever powers are manifested throughout the world, those powers exist in germ, in latency, in you.... If you realize the unity of the Self amid the diversities of the Not-Self, then Yoga Will not seem an impossible thing to you.

The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift.

-Albert Einstein

a slight scratch...maybe enough to resurface the wound...
but then when i thought back about it, it was my idea, the name i mentioned
not to the knowledge of it would the decider have put me in it....
they say whatever happens it is only you who could have allowed it...
so long and yet it lingers...
a small decision or rather a helpless yelp was all i remembered giving...but looked where it took me.....

i think it is really time for a reality check
or rather it was for me
how far i have gone
when i looked back to what i could have done instead
was it a blessing
or was it a curse
to have gone down that path
it made me realise though many things that i would not or could not understand
but looking back at the 2 paths now
which would i prefer
i cannot really choose or say i would be satisfied with either
oh God please help me
in my current pursue
that it is what you intended me to choose....

obsession...what is it really?
people say obsession is a young man's game...the dangers of entrapment, foolish-ness, heartache or even crazy-ness....

i feel it once more....once more in a long long time...it is about something different but all together the same reason...can it be? does it make sense?....
i feel more of a passion follower, a learner, someone who wants to be a potentially better person in the shadows of one, but i am afraid of losing heart...

the current fear of being that persistent irritant to the parasites, thats what i call them..that never ending always there will be there was there figure....do they know my good intentions?...or will they never...

can i fool myself in believing i am like that...or is this another hard way of learning that i am like that and am just learning to be a better one...

when you laugh the world laughs with you
when you cry you cry alone....

what's the point of it all when it is not natural.
it is linked with Dopamine, Fenylethylamine, Endorphin, Adrenaline, Vasopressin and Oxytocin. minus all these do you think you will feel the same?...

"The hormone best known for its role in inducing labor may influence our ability to bond with others", according to researchers at the University of California, San Francisco.

and they even sell oxytocin in bottles to people with deficiency...talking about if it's meant to be it's meant to be......why force it????.....
if one is monogamous, their body produces less of it...

everything that we feel or desire is controlled by our mind or body...so which part of anything is true???...it's all just a body of systems and procedures......

Pangur Ban

I and Pangur Ban, my cat,
'Tis a like task we are at;
Hunting mice is his delight,
Hunting words I sit all night.

Better far than praise of men
'Tis to sit with book and pen;
Pangur bears me no ill will;
He, too, plies his simple skill.

'Tis a merry thing to see
At our task how glad are we,
When at home we sit and find
Entertainment to our mind.

Oftentimes a mouse will stray
Into the hero Pangur's way;
Oftentimes my keen thought set
Takes a meaning in its net.

'Gainst the wall he sets his eye
Full and fierce and sharp and sly;
'Gainst the wall of knowledge I
All my little wisdom try.

When a mouse darts from its den.
O how glad is Pangur then!
O what gladness do I prove
When I solve the doubts I love!

So in peace our tasks we ply,
Pangur Ban, my cat and I;
In our arts we find our bliss,
I have mine, and he has his.

Practice every day has made
Pangur perfect in his trade ;
I get wisdom day and night,
Turning Darkness into light.'

- an unknown ninth century monk

Everyone has faith in God though everyone does not know it. For everyone has faith in himself and that multiplied to the nth degree is God. The sum total of all that lives is God. We may not be God, but we are of God, even as a little drop of water is of the ocean.

When you develope an infatuation for someone, you always find a reason to believe that this is exactly the person for you. It doesn't need to be a good reason. Taking photographs of the night sky for example. Now in the long run, that's just the kind of dumb, irritating habit that would cause you to split up. But in the haze of infatuation, its just what you've been searching for all these years.

The only downer is everyones got the same idea, we all travel thousands of miles just to watch tv and check into somewhere with all the comforts of home , and you gotta ask yourself , whats the point of that?

I told myself spreading news was part of a traveller's nature, but if I was being completely honest, I was just like everybody else: shit-scared of the great unknown. Desperate to take a little piece of home with me

-quotes from the beach.

Denny Crane!
Alan Shore!
Leaders of men!
With bulleyes on our asses!

the meaning of life is that it ends

It is a feeling of nothingness.
Something that felt lost after so many years of holding on to it.
Never had I expect this outcome nor felt it should head this way.
Why do things become bitter and twisted when you thought the worst had already happened to you.
You turn your ears to hear happiness but none of it seemed like delight to you.
You then wonder why such matters would happen to them.
You then ponder whether such situations are a matter of sympathy on your part but then you are taken back, disgusted by everything that had escaped your ears.
This is when you want to leave it all behind, to escape of rather hiding from such unfair treatment.
I do not know what I want to hear feel or touch anymore.
Why go for something when it will just not return the amount of love or hope you put into it.
It is redundant, repugnant, and unquestionable and I feel too weak to go through it all.

i dare do all that may become a man
who dares more is none.

conceal me what i am and be my aid
for such disguise as haply shall become the form of my intent.

remember remember the 5th of november
the gun powder treason and plot
i know of no reason why the gun powder treason
should ever be forgot.

- V for Vendetta

chios chios chios oh my lovely chios
will you wait on me till i am cured
till the end of my days
when i put away my youthful days
i will want to settle
enjoying my afternoon sound of boiling kettle
in a garden
till i meet God in heaven

There were so many times when I wanted to act like a brat. To be spoilt, to be throwing my weight around at issues that I think would have done me injustice. But I could never bring myself to do it.
I ask myself why.
Is it because I am too weak?
Ego-listic?
Care about how I would portray myself?
Afraid of being ignored?
Viewed upon as unreasonable?
I often console myself that I do not bother about such matters.
But my mind just responded with I am not like that.
Often in life we are made to do things out of our own character and attitude just because we want to be heard, felt or seen as but that makes us monsters. If it requires you to act rashly or foolish then you are just a smuck.
Be who you are.
Show your true self.
Do not compromise.
Do not let anyone thwart with who you are.
Do not merely just do it because you want to show others that you are strong.
Let the strong be weak and the weak be strong.

Sometimes in life things from the past that you try to forget or hate comes back to haunt you
It is so unfair
Things that you dread
Things that you hope would vanish and never ever to be reminded of again
Things that would creep into your mind and taunt you the entire day
Making your life miserable
But it was such a long time ago
As long as I could ever remember
Those periods of brain washing
I look at my life now
And back then
Then I realized I was different
I am stronger
I am wiser
This issue is obsolete
I could tackle the problem
It must not affect me
It has been so long
God please help me as I journey through this
To give me the courage that I need
To show that it is I who survives!

No longer there
No more such feelings of peace and warmth
I really wished I was older and wiser during then
To learn all those valuable lessons from you
Those lazy afternoons when you sit on that red sofa
Waiting to see if I would show interest
That one day you know I will
But you kept waiting
And waiting
And waiting
But I never came to you
But u were still there
And I believe that you are still around
I just want you to know
That those moments
Are dearest to my heart
That if I were to be there now
I would have made used of every moment
To see you
To feel you
To know you
To study you
All I did was to play around the backyard
To explore tunnels and forests
But you knew
You knew that there were more
More important things to learn then
I did not know
But you knew
And that’s how it is
Gone

Have you ever discovered something spectacular while not intentionally doing it?

I was cooking dinner for myself today when I decided to try this new noodle recipe. After 20mins, it came out fine but I misjudged the quantity of the ingredients as well as the type. Some of the stuff was added too much while others were lacking in flavor.

It tasted neither here nor there and I really could not eat it anymore. So I decided to throw in the fish and the chicken with the remainder of the food.

However when the fish and the chicken were done, it tasted fabulous. It was in between tom yum and sweet sour pork style. The base was not good but the it infused the meat and it brought out new wonders. I was proud of myself.

Now if only I had remembered my any oh how recipe…..oh bother….

5 places that i want to visit for now

1. Hike the mountains of Nepal (Himalayan mountains)
2. Explore Vietnam
3. Spend one night in the desert of Morocco
4. Surf at Bondi beach in Sydney harbour
5. Visit the Holy Land

6 people that i want to meet for now

1. Ian Wright
2. Anthony Bourdain
3. Booby Chinn
4. Janet Hsieh
5. Bob Blumer
6. Jennifer Adams

i was doing Groceries today when i realized just how much i was enjoying myself.
rows and rows of herbs and Spices ready for me to cook later for dinner...
it's a sense of delight to me, rather than a chore.
all the planning and choosing. thinking of even planting my own veggies at home...
misenplace excites me....as if i were choosing weapons for a battle...
it's the Adrenaline of being able to control your own life, not only in the kitchen.