Friday, October 31, 2008

Adversary

my dear Adversary,
why is it that i cannot live without you.
you are my life and yet sometimes i wanna turn against you, is it the pride in me or is it cause i do not agree with what you do.

sometimes i do not know whether this is the right word to name you
i offer you a panegyric but at times i curse you.

you are never there when i needed you the most, often a mile away but when i least expected you, you showed up without me expecting you there. i often put myself before you...i hope you do too...

why, i often ask God, that he at times seems such a tyrannical ruler of my life that he placed me in such situations. is it there cause i am to learn or he just want to break me?....i never seem to fit in...aways having my own set of thoughts....

everyday i am susceptible to expectations and situations that causes me to be impetuous. i hate disappointing you and i never will. i can be more than a friend but often i am at the losing end. it is a feeling of animosity.

am i too frivolous for you?

is it because when i do not expect something will i be happy then?

this week was a total example of that....

so i think to myself at the end of the day, whether which side are you on? and my answer is still i do not know...

maybe it is because that i am of new since only awhile back where everything seems new....i am sorry if i change cause things in life forces me to do so...but deep down inside me believe me when i say that i am the same....it was only a straght path for me then but now everything seems so different and i am ashamed to say i cannot handle it well...
but help me and i will help you too

sometimes i am tired of bring involved....
the feeling of missing out is what spurs me on still....

am i too sensitive or am i in the wrong...i really do not know...but i pray that i will find you back or you to find me back ago....

i miss sincerity, truth and trust.

Monday, October 27, 2008

is this me?

sometimes i feel that my life is an imitation of someone's life....
what i want to be
what i think i should be
sometimes even forgetting who i am in the process.....

is it a feeling of insecurity or the fear of desertment....
i once read a book titled no one belongs here more than you....the title caught my attention...it was the perfect answer
but why is it so hard to accept the fact that it is true

i have people who love me but i am still unsatisfied, is it because i am taking advantage of them...why do i get angry with them when the things they do are for the good of me but yet my selfish-ness forbids me to understand the meaning of love....

sometimes i do not know whether it is what i am or who you are...but love me and i will love you too..help me to love you

why do my desire of wanting more everytime impels me to such great extent of greed....

God says my grace alone is sufficient for you...please God help me to understand that....

do i trust people too easily, or am i just expecting too much of myself, then again is not this pride and ego.
i detest ego but yet it is something that i or should i say most of us fights with....

why do i go against my heart when it is telling me the truth, is it because i do not want to know the truth or am i too ignorant to see it with my eyes....

i am tired sometimes....rest if you must but never give up....
continue to believe even though people fail you....
do i still love myself? or am i too hurt?

i pray that when i am out there you will grant me serenity...it is hard but chocolates are sometimes bitter too

Friday, October 24, 2008

Cry alone, I've gone away
No more nights, no more pain
I've gone alone, took all my strength
I've made the change,
I won't see you tonight

Sorrow, sank deep inside my blood
all the ones around me,
I cared for and loved

Building up inside of me
A place so dark, so cold, I had to set me free
Don't mourn for me, you're not the one to place the blame
As bottles called my name, I won't see you tonight

Sorrow, sank deep inside my blood
all the ones around me,
I cared for and most of all I loved
but I can't see myself that way
please don't forget me or cry while I'm away

Cry alone, I've gone away
No more nights, no more pain
I've gone alone, took all my strength
But I've made the change,
I won't see you tonight

So far away, I'm gone. Please baby don't follow me tonight.
And while I'm gone, everything, it will be alright.

No more breath inside
Essence left my heart tonight

No more breath inside
Essence left my heart tonight

Thursday, October 23, 2008

You were the best thing summer gave me
Better than silence and no school,
No curfew and no rules.
I was the last thing you expected
To become part of your life
To become part of your life

So sing this song
While you drive home baby, you drive home baby
I will sing along
From another country, another country
And do-do goes the telephone
While the planes and trains won't let me go, oh no.
Pass the world and I will go there.

And when the pollination starts
In the springtime baby, the springtime baby
Can you map out all the parks
If you find time baby, I'll find time baby
And I have nothing to say tther than I love you
And I'll stay if you want me
If you let me I will go
And if you let me I will...

So sing this song
While you drive home baby, you drive home baby
I will sing along
From another country, another country
And do-do goes the telephone
While the planes and trains won't let me go, oh no.
Pass the world and I will go there.

If I admit that I was wrong
In the right tone baby, the right tone baby
And pretend that I belong
In the same room maybe, the same room maybe
And I have nothing to say about this
I love you and I'll stay if you want it
If you let me I will go
And if you let me I will go

You were the best thing summer gave me.

So sing this song
While you drive home baby, you drive home baby
I will sing along
From another country, another country
And do-do goes the telephone
While the planes and trains won't let me go, oh no.
Pass the world and I will go there.

So sing this song
While you drive home baby, you drive home baby
I will sing along
From another country, another country
Oh no...

Tired eyes
You are all the same...
Overhead, our love fades
Tired of wasting sleep...

Monday, October 20, 2008




the smell of the house as i lie on the cold marble floor was all i could remember. as i lie there, i watched them busy with the food and awaiting dinner. she barked and she ran about wanting me to bring it out for a run. i simple just lay there watching the stirring and aroma of pork chop as dirt got onto my hands and face still i was a satisfied boy. afternoons of back alleys and catches was all that was on my mind, as though i was living life on a prayer. still i lay there now turning to one side not wanting to get up. old teabags and sugar stains filled my nostrils as i reached for a cushion. the memory of it all flashed back as i took a sniff, reminding me of nights where i sat and watched shakespear's A Midsummer Night’s Dream. propped up on the white and blinding stand stood the tube. it was presumptuous. the night was warm as i got ready for that adventure. still i lay there now, rubbing my fingers on the baby blue tiles as i designate the time and name of the manna man. a colossal bowl was laid down there as i still laid on the ground however moving on to the back of it all, attempting to batten myself on the spices found in the garden. i started to pirouette on my toes as i looked around for company. as i looked up the reflection of the light from the bathroom, it reminded me of the un-explored attic. wondering when will i ever gather the courage to go up. still i lay on the cool ground as the moon rose only to find myself impelled to go back inside. i feigned fullness as i raced to find her, as though she was lost in the woods forever. it was a breathe of fresh air as the moon reveal the softness of it all. i was immediately a aficionado. back home i laid there again, devouring my dinnner and hearing the barks of my neighbour's dogs. everything was right......yet it seemed hurtful as i cant bear to touch it. as i look back now, i think it was the hardest part of my life....it keeps coming back, haunting me, like a foul of excrement only waiting on me to embrace it lovingly in my arms. i missed it all....

Saturday, October 18, 2008

Omg...unbelievable, but true. Time changes constantly, but the good things remain the same

Friday, October 17, 2008

white Americans, what?
nothing better to do?
why don't you kick yourself out
you're an immigrant too.
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind"-Dr. Suess

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

HMV is more than a cd store...arthur, peter, tristan and the ghost under the river next to the buttercup field was so funny tonight....
heard from tristan that lissa was going around people's place for tea and picking up things fast....somehow i found out that peter and arthur was related...i was surprised cause they dun even looked the same...we hopped from roof to roof and enjoying the stares and looks on people's faces. we got old granny fanny's look of disdain as we were making alot of noise, to the extend that it was vexatious. we however managed to adroitly escaped without getting a tellin' of from her.
i even tried on mr.snow's cap!!!!!!!
after that we went over to tom's kitchen for duck pizza and boy i had a great laugh. ask tom and lissa, the child reloading chalk with his rubber grip was so busy doing that that he did not notice the master at the doorstep. hee hee...what a fool!
after got on the last express flyer and was sped back home...remember gate closes at 2 tonight!!!!

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

recently bought a book called journey to the moon, written by cyrano de bergerac
few words to describe it...the book is insolence....debauchery....obliquely(for those religious ones)...facetious tales...but on the whole a really great book to enjoy...ok i will type out a part of it
"it would be much more plausible, the less impassioned of them added, if our domestic animals participated in the privilege of humanity, and thus immortality, because they are at least born in our country-they are not some monstrous creature that claims to have been born Heaven knows where on the moon; and then, just look at the difference between them and us! We at least walk on all fours, because God did not wish to entrust such a precious thing to a less secure posture; he was afraid that some mishap might happen to man; that is why he himself took the trouble to set him on four pillars, so that he would not fall; but he disdained to become involved with the construction of these two brutes, and abandoned them to the whim of nature, which-unperturbed by the idea that such an insignificant thing might be destroyed-propped him up on just two feet.
even the birds, they say have not been treated so badly as these beasts, since they have at least been given feathers to make up for the weakness of their feet, and to allow them to fly into the air when we shoo them away from our abodes;whereas nature, by depriving these monsters of two of their feet, has made them unable to escape our justice.
and just look at the way their heads are turned up towards the heavens! God has cause them to lack everything they need, and thus placed them in this situation-for this supplicant posture shows that they are gazing heavenwards to complain to the One who created them, asking him permission to make do with our leftovers. we, however, have our heads lowered so that we can contemplate the good things of which we are the lords, so that there is nothing in Heaven that we in our happy condition need envy.
how wicked it that...this book really illicit and absurd but on the other hand awesome for those who wants something fresh....go get it :D