Adversary

my dear Adversary,
why is it that i cannot live without you.
you are my life and yet sometimes i wanna turn against you, is it the pride in me or is it cause i do not agree with what you do.

sometimes i do not know whether this is the right word to name you
i offer you a panegyric but at times i curse you.

you are never there when i needed you the most, often a mile away but when i least expected you, you showed up without me expecting you there. i often put myself before you...i hope you do too...

why, i often ask God, that he at times seems such a tyrannical ruler of my life that he placed me in such situations. is it there cause i am to learn or he just want to break me?....i never seem to fit in...aways having my own set of thoughts....

everyday i am susceptible to expectations and situations that causes me to be impetuous. i hate disappointing you and i never will. i can be more than a friend but often i am at the losing end. it is a feeling of animosity.

am i too frivolous for you?

is it because when i do not expect something will i be happy then?

this week was a total example of that....

so i think to myself at the end of the day, whether which side are you on? and my answer is still i do not know...

maybe it is because that i am of new since only awhile back where everything seems new....i am sorry if i change cause things in life forces me to do so...but deep down inside me believe me when i say that i am the same....it was only a straght path for me then but now everything seems so different and i am ashamed to say i cannot handle it well...
but help me and i will help you too

sometimes i am tired of bring involved....
the feeling of missing out is what spurs me on still....

am i too sensitive or am i in the wrong...i really do not know...but i pray that i will find you back or you to find me back ago....

i miss sincerity, truth and trust.